I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
