Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
