You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
