I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
