ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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