is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
