So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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