I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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