Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
