In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
