Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
