Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize