Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
