I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
