I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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