i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
