It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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