so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize