i used baking grease as lip gloss
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
