Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
