You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
