I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
