I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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