We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize