So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
