i jhust puked up my retainher.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
