To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
