Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
