Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
pray to the hookup gods
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
