for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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