we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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