Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
