I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
