just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize