Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
