I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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