If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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