I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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