I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
