if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
