he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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