Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize