I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
