Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize