I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
