Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
