I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
