I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
people are starting to question the shark bite story
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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