I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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