I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize