I wannas sexs uuuuu
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
