I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
