In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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