i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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