Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
