i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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