I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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