She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
