Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize