there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
