Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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