You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
