I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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