Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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