never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
