break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
