This is not my ceiling
You can't special order awesome
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
