Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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