i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
