Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
