Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
