1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
