Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
