I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
