don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
