Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
smell my finger.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
