Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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