so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
