She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
