Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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