i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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