DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
